This is going to be a running segment on my blog, detailing my favorite parts of this past year: 2009!
A lot of great things have happened this year (Michael Jackson's death, I'm looking in your direction) and good times were had by all! Each segment of "2009 In Review" will focus on one of these great things. Also, feel free to comment and suggest future topics.
2009 brought me the greatest gift of all:
The iPhone!
I love it. I love it. I love it.I love it Iloveit iloveit iloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiFUCKINGLOVEIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I sound crazy to you???? Well, that's probably because you don't have one. You wouldn't understand my love. Do you think you have felt love? Do you think you KNOW what love is? Do you ever say to your mother, "I love you"? Do you ever say to your significant other "I love you more than anything in the whole world"? Or if you're fighting you yell, "but I fucking LOVE you, you bitch"? Do you love your dog? A certain food? A favorite drug? A well-managed administration?
Perhaps a book.
But you do not know love.
You do not have an iPhone. (If I was reading this to you, this is where I'd make eye-contact with you, silently count to 8, and then mouth the words "You don't know" while lightly shaking my head back and forth)
I love breakfast food for dinner. I LOVE it. But it does not come close. Not even if you bring it to me in bed and then fuck me afterwards.
The love I feel for the iphone, MY iPhone, is the deepest love I have ever known. Why?
Because unlike any girl who has been blessed enough to date me, the king of lovers, the iPhone UNDERSTANDS me.
My favorite song to listen to right now is "Bone House" by the Dead Weather. It is also iPhone's favorite song. I know this because it's number one on iPhone's favorites list. My least favorite song to listen to right now is "Party in the U.S.A" by Miley Cyrus' Song Writers. When I look on my iPhone it is nowhere to be found. Even when I search my iPhone (a function activated by pressing the iPhone's ONE button), there's still no trace of it anywhere.
Although it does offer to search for it on the web. Haha. Good one iPhone. You're so funny. It's part of why I love you.
I was walking through the streets of New York with my mother (who's still learning what a computer is), and I blew her mind with the help of iPhone. iPhone cares about my mom like that. How nice is that? We needed to get to Terminal 5 (to see Rodrigo y Gabriela {The band, not the famous duo of dockworkers who can 'get you stuff'. Oh and if you make a comment about me seeing shows with my mom...I'll rip your boobs off or sumthin}) which was on 56th street. We had no directions. We had iPhone. I asked iPhone if it could do me a favor and help us out(I did this by pressing the ONE button it has). iPhone not only gave me directions, but offered to call me a cab or give me the subway route(complete with schedule).
Way to go above and beyond, iPhone!! You get a blue ribbon! I'd pin it to you, but that would puncture your touchscreen.
Your touchscreen. Don't even get me started on your touchscreen. Or do.
iPhone's smooth-as-your-lover's-breasts-on-a-good-day surface is easy to run my finger across, accessing applications('apps' to the uninitiated), updating my facebook, touching up my blog(although it doesn't need it), twittering, youtubing porn, researching via safari to see how long until the next season of Beach City, myspacing(urrgh), i.e. doing WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
iPhone gets along with my friends. Just the other day, iPhone met DVR (my second best friend, sorry buddy. I know I shouldn't pick favorites. But I can. So I will.) And they got along superduper swimmingly. I saw a commercial and loved the song from it so much that I HAD to know what it was. iPhone can tell me! Just gotta let iPhone listen and an answer will be found! (This technology really exists. That's fucking insane). But wait! Commercial's over. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! iPhone can't hear it! WAIT! DVR to the rescue. By rewinding live TV with my DVR I was able to REC the SNDTRK to the ADVERT and finally add the song to my IQ (What am I doing)!!!!!
This blog is falling apart. Everytime I get on a rant I get the urge to pick up my iPhone. Is it bad that my hand computer has the ability to pull me away from my actual computer? You see, I bought a new case for iPhone today. IT HAS ANOTHER BATTERY BUILT INTO IT! Now I can use iPhone for twice as long before having to return to civilization. Now I can regress back into my glowing screen of love and leave society for twice as long!!!! Even the accessories are insanely bad ass.
I lost my train of thought. Hanley called and it ruined me. It took so long because my hi-fi ringer put me into a wiggle-dance, I missed the call and had to call him back. It couldn't have been easier. Or more fun.
Ok. I can't focus. Who are we kidding. We all have the same thing on our minds and I'll be the first to admit it:
I MISS YOU RITA!!!!!!
Rita Bennett-Morgan 1997-2009
"Im Just Here to Bitch, Dexter"
You will be missed for a short while and then forgotten about when a new love interest is written into the show. I will miss you most, because its nice to have a girl on the show that doesn't look like a boy (sorry Deb, LaGuerta). I was reeeeeeally hoping for one more sex scene before you died, but nothing in life can be as perfect as we imagine (except you, iPhone!). WHy did you name your daughter Astor? That is the WORST name ever. No wonder she's become such a bitch recently. Everyone must make fun of her and call her Ass-Turd. If they're not, they definitely should be. Just to teach you a lesson! Well I guess Trinity took care of that though, didn't he. Don't worry, while you were getting inducted into Hell, Dexter was hammering him to death. Say Hi to Doakes for me. Maybe you and Lila can iron things out. I'm sure Dexters bro will try to ruin things for you, but there's not much he can do since you are probably already clued into the whole serial killer side of Dexter. Harry will most definitely try to bang you, but i think it's ok if you do end up screwing. He seems to bug Dexter and this will keep him out of Dex's hair.
This has been 2009 Year in Review Volume 1!! Stay tuned!
Because unlike any girl who has been blessed enough to date me, the king of lovers, the iPhone UNDERSTANDS me.
My favorite song to listen to right now is "Bone House" by the Dead Weather. It is also iPhone's favorite song. I know this because it's number one on iPhone's favorites list. My least favorite song to listen to right now is "Party in the U.S.A" by Miley Cyrus' Song Writers. When I look on my iPhone it is nowhere to be found. Even when I search my iPhone (a function activated by pressing the iPhone's ONE button), there's still no trace of it anywhere.
Although it does offer to search for it on the web. Haha. Good one iPhone. You're so funny. It's part of why I love you.
I was walking through the streets of New York with my mother (who's still learning what a computer is), and I blew her mind with the help of iPhone. iPhone cares about my mom like that. How nice is that? We needed to get to Terminal 5 (to see Rodrigo y Gabriela {The band, not the famous duo of dockworkers who can 'get you stuff'. Oh and if you make a comment about me seeing shows with my mom...I'll rip your boobs off or sumthin}) which was on 56th street. We had no directions. We had iPhone. I asked iPhone if it could do me a favor and help us out(I did this by pressing the ONE button it has). iPhone not only gave me directions, but offered to call me a cab or give me the subway route(complete with schedule).
Way to go above and beyond, iPhone!! You get a blue ribbon! I'd pin it to you, but that would puncture your touchscreen.
Your touchscreen. Don't even get me started on your touchscreen. Or do.
iPhone's smooth-as-your-lover's-breasts-on-a-good-day surface is easy to run my finger across, accessing applications('apps' to the uninitiated), updating my facebook, touching up my blog(although it doesn't need it), twittering, youtubing porn, researching via safari to see how long until the next season of Beach City, myspacing(urrgh), i.e. doing WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
iPhone gets along with my friends. Just the other day, iPhone met DVR (my second best friend, sorry buddy. I know I shouldn't pick favorites. But I can. So I will.) And they got along superduper swimmingly. I saw a commercial and loved the song from it so much that I HAD to know what it was. iPhone can tell me! Just gotta let iPhone listen and an answer will be found! (This technology really exists. That's fucking insane). But wait! Commercial's over. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! iPhone can't hear it! WAIT! DVR to the rescue. By rewinding live TV with my DVR I was able to REC the SNDTRK to the ADVERT and finally add the song to my IQ (What am I doing)!!!!!
This blog is falling apart. Everytime I get on a rant I get the urge to pick up my iPhone. Is it bad that my hand computer has the ability to pull me away from my actual computer? You see, I bought a new case for iPhone today. IT HAS ANOTHER BATTERY BUILT INTO IT! Now I can use iPhone for twice as long before having to return to civilization. Now I can regress back into my glowing screen of love and leave society for twice as long!!!! Even the accessories are insanely bad ass.
I lost my train of thought. Hanley called and it ruined me. It took so long because my hi-fi ringer put me into a wiggle-dance, I missed the call and had to call him back. It couldn't have been easier. Or more fun.
Ok. I can't focus. Who are we kidding. We all have the same thing on our minds and I'll be the first to admit it:
I MISS YOU RITA!!!!!!
Rita Bennett-Morgan 1997-2009
"Im Just Here to Bitch, Dexter"
You will be missed for a short while and then forgotten about when a new love interest is written into the show. I will miss you most, because its nice to have a girl on the show that doesn't look like a boy (sorry Deb, LaGuerta). I was reeeeeeally hoping for one more sex scene before you died, but nothing in life can be as perfect as we imagine (except you, iPhone!). WHy did you name your daughter Astor? That is the WORST name ever. No wonder she's become such a bitch recently. Everyone must make fun of her and call her Ass-Turd. If they're not, they definitely should be. Just to teach you a lesson! Well I guess Trinity took care of that though, didn't he. Don't worry, while you were getting inducted into Hell, Dexter was hammering him to death. Say Hi to Doakes for me. Maybe you and Lila can iron things out. I'm sure Dexters bro will try to ruin things for you, but there's not much he can do since you are probably already clued into the whole serial killer side of Dexter. Harry will most definitely try to bang you, but i think it's ok if you do end up screwing. He seems to bug Dexter and this will keep him out of Dex's hair.
This has been 2009 Year in Review Volume 1!! Stay tuned!
