'High School' is the only movie from the Philadelphia Film Festival that I straight up did NOT like. This is very odd for me considering that I like everything, and its very VERY hard to fuck up a "stoner movie". 'High School' is not without some very funny gags, but the gags that are worth noting a very few and far between.
The plot is qutie original: Upon watching the star student fail miserably in the spelling bee, due to her being too stoned to do anything but giggle, the principal(played by an utterly TERRIBLE Michael Chiklis) decides that it is his duty to crack down on use of marijuana in his school, and institutes a mandatory drug test, failure of which results in immediate expulsion. This does not bode well for our hero(Adventureland's blaaaaaaaaaaand Matt Bush) who, despite being a straight A, clean cut, model student, has just dabbled in the devil's harvest for the first time. Staring expulsion straight in the face, he decides to do what any young whipper-snapper would do...steal weed from a local dealer(Adrien Brody, the saving grace of this movie), bake enough pot-brownies to get the entire school high (GET IT?!?!?!? HIGH SCHOOL! HA! HIIIIIIIIIIIGH SCHOOL. You really don't get it do you?), and deliver them to the school's conveniently scheduled bake sale, thusly nullifying the results of all drug tests. What follows is essentially a 90 minute montage of what would happen if an entire school's worth of students and faculty were extremely stoned without knowing it.
Ya, its pretty high(guh!) concept, but a good one nonetheless. This movie should write itself from here on out.
It doesn't. From this point, the movie unfolds like every other movie ever.
The lead and his buddy run around school witnessing inaccurate stoner antics, all the while avoiding the evil principal, another star student who is competing for valedictorian, and a drug dealer. Then the movie ends.
To me, the quintessential stoner movie is "Pineapple Express", which is less about the weed itself, and more about the characters and how their lives are affected by their drug of choice. "High School" is all about the weed itself, and its physical effects on the characters. Sure it tries to be about the characters, but it fails at doing so since all of them are either underwritten or simply unlikeable. Also, for a movie to focus on the effects of marijuana, it should try to at least make it believable. In movies like "Rolling Kansas", "Harold and Kumar Do Some Shit", and "Pineapple Express", being stoned is represented rather accurately, highlighting the bonding experience of a good smoke, riffing on the hilarity of paranoia, and poking fun at some pretty accurate stoner-cliches, all the while avoiding a "square" perspective. Conversely, the characters in "High School" act as if they are inebriated in a much different way. None of these characters act stoned. Instead they act the way a 55 year old mom who has never tried anything but a cabernet would expect someone to act while they're stoned. I'm not trying to say I'm some pro at getting fucked up, but being stoned is NOTHING like being drunk or tripping on hallucinogens. The squares will tell you different. The affected characters act as if they have imbibed copious amounts of both booze and acid, running around in insane confusion, drooling on themselves, getting lost,and being unable to function properly in any way. All I could think of was the scene in "Transformers 2: Revenge of My Fucking Butthole", in which Shoe LaBoo's mom accidentally eats a pot-brownie and proceeds to act like a complete motard, rolling in the grass and yelling non-sentences.
Also, Colin Hanks is in it. This neither enhances nor hurts the film.
Alright, let's profile this thing...
What I liked about it:
-Adrien Brody plays an incredibly intense drug dealer who is, at all times, paranoid, hilarious, and terrifying...just like any good real-life dealer.
-Chiklis has hair for the first time since his appearance on Seinfeld, which is nice.
-Chiklis' son is played by the fat kid from Bad Santa. Smile.
-Andrew Wilson(the lost Wilson) plays one of Brody's cronies. He has very few lines, but is always the draw of each shot he is in. With Luke Wilson gaining 80 lbs and selling out to AT&T, and Owen Wilson attempting life-suicide and comitting career-suicide, I can only hope that one day Andrew will restore the Wilson brand.
-It made me realize that I'm a much funnier person than anyone involved in this movie, which gave me hope that I will one day succeed.
-To be fair, there were a few funny parts, such as a mushroom trip scene that made me howl. I just don't care.
What I did NOT like about it:
-The leads are horrendously unlikable, and had no chemistry. One is a pussy, and the other a loudmouth shit with no redeeming qualities. These characters are supposed to be former friends that have grown apart, as elementary school friends often do when they reach high school, and are now thrust into a bonding situation. I guess they're supposed to realize that in the end, they're not all that different after all. They DO realize this at some point, but for no logical reason. As I watched this friendship "develop", I could only root for them to decide against bonding, hopefully realizing that despite the tendency for opposites to attract, these two are destined to destroy one another.
-The lead and the romantic interest do not exchange more than one line for the ENTIRE movie. When they inevitably hook up(uh, spoiler?), I had to rack my brain to remember who this young woman even was.
-The ending is one of the biggest "I was bad but now I'm good because of nothing" switchovers since Russell Crowe went nicey in "3:10 to Yuma". I hate when this happens. So do you.
-The archetypal 'nerd-go-getter-who-wants-to-bring-down-the-lead' is such a poorly written character. He seems to show up intermittently whenever the writers needed to fill another page. His subplot is dropped for large chunks of the movie and is resurrected in small, painfully unfunny showdowns between he and the lead. He's an empty template and is probably the only thing in this movie thats worse than Michael Chiklis.
-The lead has a black eye. It looks horrifically fake. It's clearly just a smudge of eye-liner. Yes, I know this is a low budget affair, but I could create a muuuuuch better effect with NO budget. Seriously, the kid looks like he just got booted from a Green Day Audition(buuuhZING!) not hit in the eye(lolz!)
-Michael Chiklis. This is odd. Usually I enjoy Chiklis. I think he's very talented. His name reminds me of the gum, Chiclets. Buuuuuut, he SUCKS in this movie. His character is almost supernaturally unreasonable, and sooooo unfunny(like soooooooooooooooooooooooo unfunny. Really bad). While it is fair to say that this movie takes place in an alternate reality where kids could manufacture and successfully complete a plan to dose an entire school in a matter of hours, it still seems highly unlikely that a character like this guy could ever be the principal of a school. He's the worst at everything. Although in the Q&A sesh with the producer it was revealed that Chiklis wrote and performed the entire closing credit score, which is a total rock and roll festival of pure metal(its not). From what I could tell, he's got to be pretty technically good at playing multiple instruments. That's neat. I thoroughly enjoy picturing Chiklis all alone in his recording studio beating up instruments and having creative flashes of brilliance all in the name of "High School"
Would this movie have benefitted from Tom Hanks?
Yes, but Tom Hanks would not have benefitted from this movie. Colin Hanks could barely make it work, and he's a carrier of the 'T-Cell'(that which grants Tom Hanks his powers. Note also, that Forrest Whittaker has a small T-cell infection in his eye, which bestows him the power to evoke emotion from even the most stone-hearted critic. No one knows how he attained this infection).
If it were a musical, what would be the title song?
It would be a 'Glee'-style reimagining of "One Toke Over the Line"...and if this movie were to suddenly become a musical midway through it's running time, it would have introduced enough of a bizzaro mentality to make the flaws in this movie slightly more tolerable. Unlike "Cheech and Chong" or "Harold and Kumar", both of which take place in colorful alternate worlds, "High School" makes the mistake of being unable to suspend my disbelief enough to buy into any of it for too long.
Going into the movie, what did I expect?
I expected to be laughing my ass off a considerable amount throughout the running time. I also expected to feel proud of having seen this movie before all of my friends.
Were my expectations met?
No. I barely knew anything about this flick before setting into the theater(I like to go into the festival mostly blind). Still I was let down. Sparsely funny, filled with bland or snide characters, and coated in the feeling that it was written by an oldhead who'd lost touch with his youth, "High School" was not one for me to brag about to my friends. I'm sure I'll catch it one day on TV in the future and I'll enjoy kinda paying attention to it.
My review for the box:
"Now this is a movie! Literally, it is a movie. Not a very good movie, but it fits the definition"
5.5 out of 10
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