I now own a record player and collect vinyl

Hello! Just wanted to let the world know that I now own a record player and I now collect vinyl. Why, you ask? Well, I have three reasons!
1. I'm better than you
2. You're not as good as me
3. On a scale of one to ten(ten being the best), I'd be ten and you'd be somewhere below that

I'm going to go listen to it now.



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Wrasslin'

We've all seen the ladies wrestling in KY Jelly. We've all seen the ladies wrestling in mud. This is old ass news, bitches. You wanna be sexy, you had better get creative! Here's a list of things that I think it would be sexy for all of you ladies to wrestle in.



-Cream of mushroom soup(condensed, allowing more glops)
-Newspapers(the ink run-off will look like bruises)
-Cats(mrrrrowr!)
-Guacamole(the fresher the better!)
-Rocks(no using the rocks as weapons! Blood isn't very sexy. Just a little)
-Nesquik
-Ovaltine(this is NOT redundant! Nesquik is VERY different and if you disagree you are not worth listening to!)
-Wheaties(crunch, crunch, crunch!)
-Crushed ice(Nips!)
-Poops(this is definitely not sexy, but I'd love to add "I just watched naked chicks wrestling in poops" to my story repertoire)
-Eggs(removed from the shell and raw...for protein)
-Tortilla chips(maybe adjacent to the guacamole ring? I'm feeling a Cinco de Mayo fiesta could benefit greatly from this idea)



Are the gears turning, ladies??? Feel free to submit your own ideas to this list. Also, feel free to throw a party involving any of these ideas. Furthermore(also), feel free to invite me.
Before I go, allow me to enlighten you to THE. SEXIEST. THING. FOR. LADIES. TO. WRESTLE. IN.
::drumroll::
-Other Ladies



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone